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Sunday, April 3, 2011

False assumptions equal vain expectations..

"You don't ever see someone. You don't see them as who they are and who they need to be recognized as. You see them as who you need them to be."

    What is it about forbidden sex that is so mind blowing? As human beings, we always want what we can't have, we always do what we are told not to do. That rush from being rebellious streams through our veins when you know what you're doing is the wrong thing, when you're doing the forbidden. My whole life, I've always been someone who's curiosity has gotten me into trouble. From being a child and going against simple rules at home to being a young adult and breaking the rules, I have learned that some of the best things in life happen when you are breaking the mold. 
    There's like a chemical in our head that gives us a "high" when we do something bad. Something dangerous. Something Wrong.
I've always been against sleeping with men who are in relationships, because I've been that girl who's boyfriend was sleeping with someone else. The thought of even hurting a girl is the last thing I'd want to cross my mind, but sometimes the lust of doing something bad overcomes your inner conscious. 
    We will call him Beau, for obvious reasons...
    Beau and I started accidentally. It was one to many drinks, followed by good music, intense physical attraction, and eventually the both of us were lying naked next to one another, mind blown by the lustful, intensity of what we had just done. It was pure satisfaction. It was exactly what it was, and nothing more.
    It went on for a while, this delightful series of sexual indulgence. Some weeks more than others, and there was times when we wouldn't talk for weeks on end. This didn't matter. We could not see each other for a year, and be able to pick up right where we left off. We both knew what it was, we had a comfortable understanding of one another, an understanding that the only reason it was this amazing was because there was no emotions. Don't get me wrong, as people we really liked eachother, but there was no messy emotions, no hearts connecting, no jealousy or greed, no worry of trust, no love.
    As a teenager, your body becomes connected with a man just as much as your mind and heart. With age, you come to find that it's actually possible as a woman to sleep with a man and be sexual with out having to actually be mentally connected to the other. If you find that statement to be trashy, then you are reading the wrong blog. As a woman comfortable with my place in this world, I can say that me and Beau were only sexually connected, and nothing more.
    When I would confide in my friends regarding what we were doing, most would disagree with the situation. Which is understandable considering about 75% of my friends are in serious relationships. And what I was doing was frowned upon, I was being the other girl. But is it really so bad when it was strictly about sex and no more? What Beau and his girlfriend have is completely different than what the two of us had, I wouldn't want what they have, well at least not with him. What him and I did together was only as good as it was because I am not her.. 
    I guess the moral of this rant is that sometimes I feel like its okay to be a little bad... Sometimes you have go against all you believe if it's going to make you feel good, even if its only a temporary fix of happiness. Because if it wasn't me being the other girl, someone else will be, and why should I give up the amazing lust that Beau and I have just because it's bad. I guess it comes down to how far you want to bend your rules, how far you want to push yourself...