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Friday, December 7, 2012

To be okay..

I wish you'd hold me when I turn my back
The less I give the more I get back
Oh your hands can heal, your hands can bruise.

As I opened my right eye, a sharp pain shot through my head. It had to have been early in the morning, since the sun was peaking gently through the blinds. Gentle, yet enough to remind me of how much I had drank the night before. 

Everything looks different in the light of day. My skin was a slight shade of red, and my hair reeked of alcohol and sweat. After a few minutes, I gained back feeling throughout the rest of my body, and wrapped my naked self up in the thin sheets I was lying on. I turned to where he was asleep. 

I stared blankly at this man, this handsome person who had recently stepped foot into my life. Without a thought in my head, I watched his chest as he took air in, and let it out. It was bare, and beautiful, as it expanded with each breath he took.

I gently took my hand out from under the covers to place it on his arm, which was larger than both of mine put together. I touched his skin, careful to keep him asleep, yet enough for me to take in the texture of his body.   

It was a night filled with passion and lust. With no worries, no cares in the world. Just two people who genuinely enjoyed each other's company. A night even someone as descriptive as myself couldn't put into words. It was a feeling I hadn't felt in years, a feeling I thought I'd never find again.

I've never felt more alive. I feel sexy. I feel appreciated. I feel happy

I don't know what we are, and I almost don't want to ask. I don't want to jeopardize something I feel no second thoughts about. My whole life I have questioned things and pushed people away as a result of my racing, overworked mind. All I know is I enjoy how I feel, I don't want it from anyone else and I don't want it to go away. 

As I moved my hand across the surface of his soft skin, I stopped myself from saying anything. Sometimes the best things in life are left unsaid. I sat there over his large body, with so many words and emotions I wanted to share, yet nothing came out of my mouth. 

I quietly crawled my way back under the sheets, and squirmed my body into a position where our naked bodies touched the other's just so perfectly. I closed my eyes and gently exhaled.

It was at that moment I realized I was going to be okay. I'm finally going to be okay.