Now & Forever..

you can't expect to find the right someone 

until you know who you are,

what matters to you,

and what makes your heart happy.

   He was snoring so loud I actually woke up out of a dead sleep. It's always around 4:30 a.m. when his snoring gets really loud, but I don't mind. It's one of those weird little things that the person you love does that would normally drive you crazy. But I would be completely lost if he wasn't here doing it. 

    Just like right when my alarm clock goes off, and I hit the snooze button so many times that I'm actually late. He rolls over and just wraps his abnormally long arms around my entire body, and just pulls me in. Without even having to say anything, his body tells me good morning and I love you. To be able to share a bed with the man you have been through so much with and still have the same amount, if not, more love for one another than the first time, it's remarkable. I can honestly say that our love is real. Real, pure, unconditional love.

   They always say that you never realize what you have until it's gone, which in our case was so true. It took an awful event.. terrible decisions.. bad choices.. to make the two of us realize how dumb of an idea it was for us to be apart.. Two human beings such as ourselves, who love one another as passionately and deeply as we do, should not fight fate.. shouldn't fight the future that life has in store for us. We both knew deep down in our hearts what was supposed to be, where we were meant to end up, who we were supposed to love and spend our lives with.

   So this morning, with our bodies pressed firmly and perfectly against each others, waiting for the second snooze alarm to go off, we comfortably looked into each other's eyes. No pain, or confusion, or second thoughts, just two people who genuinely had unconditional love for one another. <3

I'm not sorry for being different..

Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery,

none but ourselves can free our minds.

    It had to be the winter time, maybe early December, and I was about 15 years old. I sat at my small vanity and brushed my long blonde hair that reached down to the middle of my back. I stayed up late the night before, as I did every night, to rummage through my closet and pick the perfect outfit, along with wake up extra early to flat iron my hair. I had to be perfect.. I had to be like everyone else.

    As I grew up, I started to break away from what everyone else considered "cool" and started to really find who I was as an individual. Now, I don't think you will ever in your life be able to meet another human remotely similar to myself. 

    I think sometimes people get so consumed in worrying about what others think of them that they actually miss out on the chance to find out who they really are on the inside... I just find it a complete waste of time trying to make people see me as something I'm not when people should except me for me! If people don't want to except you for what you are, then they don't deserve you in their lives. 

   It really comes down to them being insecure & uncomfortable with themselves. I've noticed that even as I've grown into a young adult, I still face the drama that we try so hard to avoid. No matter where or what you do in life, it never really goes away. Girls will be girls, and if you are a confident, successful, secure woman, it's almost inevitable that those around you who are less secure about themselves will do anything and everything they possibly can to try and break you down. You just have to remember that you were given your body and personality for a reason, and it's your job to always be true to yourself and never be afraid to just be yourself!

   As I have written in permanent ink across my lower back, emancipate yourselves from mental slavery.. break away from the mold.. be who you were born to be.. 

You're right.. my blog does suck..

Too many people get caught up in what could be instead of appreciating what is. Don't fall into that trap; appreciate what you have and who you have.Because the future can take it all away from you

I hate when I find myself doing something I claim to hate so much.. today.. as I sat in my bed with makeup halfway down my face.. I realized I'm missing something huge from my life.. something that makes me so happy.. writing.

I always make fun of people who put so much heart and passion into a hobby and then one day become too preoccupied to do it, and just toss it aside like it means nothing. I found myself going from writing my deepest thoughts and feelings everyday to not even looking at my work, or allowing myself to sit for a moment and let out how I feel with my writing. It's honestly pathetic.

If you really love something, nothing or no one should ever come between you and that thing.  I honestly feel like I have been dishonest with myself these past few weeks.. like I've been depriving myself of a self medication that has always been there for me when I needed it the most..

So.. as I sat on my bed today.. completely fed up with everything in my routine, pathetic life, I realized that I really wasn't being fair to myself. I need to write. I need to put it out there. Regardless of what anyone has to say about it.. or the feedback I get from it.. it's just something I need to do in order to be myself.

Say what you want.. no one is telling anyone to read this.. I could give two shits if the person reading this wants to or not.. hence the disclaimer right before you log on.. this is me and I need to be who I am.