Your lips..

I can't feel my feet, or my legs for that matter. I close my eyes, try to focus, try to feel.

Every time your lips touch my stomach, my body sends a sharp chill from my lower abdomen into my throat. Your hands coincide with your mouth, grazing from my chest, to my belly, then my inner thighs.  


My back arches up, and my palms begin to sweat. I grasp your forearms which are pressed against my hips, and I squeeze harder with every breath I take.


For those ten minutes, I'm completely vulnerable. You stimulate every sense within my body, using only one part of yours. The most intimate, personal feeling I have ever experienced in my entire life.

My heart is now pounding, echoing in my head so loud I can barely hear your heavy breathing.

For the first time, I am unable to think. I can't stress, I can't analyze. I can only feel.

To live without air

As your car turns the corner, my palms get sweaty and my heart begins to race. Pressure then fills my chest and I find myself sinking into the seat, moving my body low enough where my eyes are even with the dashboard. My hands start to shake, and my left eye twitches. 

I have these amazing nights with you. Nights where I've never felt more alive, more happy, more at peace. You know I don't want to go home, and I think it kills you a little inside every time you pull up to my house. But I have to get out, I have to go in.

Home isn't exactly the best word in the situation. Lets say bed. I have to go to bed. Home isn't a location to me, more so a feeling of trust, relaxation, comfort, a place where I can live at peace, or something I feel when connecting with a person.

I remember being a little girl, getting so excited about going to a sleepover. I would pack way too many things just to stay over night, where we would watch silly movies and eat ice cream. But as soon as the lights would go out, and everyone was in their little sleeping bags, I would get an awful pit in my stomach. I would get up, go into my friend's parent's room and cry that I wanted to call my mom and go home.

The feeling of home to me now is different, not a place, but a physical state of mind. You carry it with you and share it with someone else in life.

But this place where you bring me is not home.

Addiction is what it is. It's a demon that overcomes a person's soul and makes them say and do things they would never think to say or do sober. It transforms the people you love into monsters. The anxiety of not knowing what you will open the door to that day can make even the strongest of people break. Yet I've been doing it for so long you'd think I would have found a way to master it all. I have not. I may never. The best I can do is pick up all my broken pieces and find a way to better my own life. You can only try so hard to help someone you love, when you have been trying for so long. 

But I find hope, knowing that even though I am saying goodnight to you, I am not saying goodbye. I will see you again. And I will feel at home, because I have found the feeling of home inside you. I keep this in the back of my head as I walk through the door. 

There is a tomorrow and if tomorrow was anything like today, there is a reason to keep going.

To be okay..

I wish you'd hold me when I turn my back

The less I give the more I get back

Oh your hands can heal, your hands can bruise.

As I opened my right eye, a sharp pain shot through my head. It had to have been early in the morning, since the sun was peaking gently through the blinds. Gentle, yet enough to remind me of how much I had drank the night before. 

Everything looks different in the light of day. My skin was a slight shade of red, and my hair reeked of alcohol and sweat. After a few minutes, I gained back feeling throughout the rest of my body, and wrapped my naked self up in the thin sheets I was lying on. I turned to where he was asleep. 

I stared blankly at this man, this handsome person who had recently stepped foot into my life. Without a thought in my head, I watched his chest as he took air in, and let it out. It was bare, and beautiful, as it expanded with each breath he took.

I gently took my hand out from under the covers to place it on his arm, which was larger than both of mine put together. I touched his skin, careful to keep him asleep, yet enough for me to take in the texture of his body.   

It was a night filled with passion and lust. With no worries, no cares in the world. Just two people who genuinely enjoyed each other's company. A night even someone as descriptive as myself couldn't put into words. It was a feeling I hadn't felt in years, a feeling I thought I'd never find again.

I've never felt more alive. I feel sexy. I feel appreciated. I feel happy. 

I don't know what we are, and I almost don't want to ask. I don't want to jeopardize something I feel no second thoughts about. My whole life I have questioned things and pushed people away as a result of my racing, overworked mind. All I know is I enjoy how I feel, I don't want it from anyone else and I don't want it to go away. 

As I moved my hand across the surface of his soft skin, I stopped myself from saying anything. Sometimes the best things in life are left unsaid. I sat there over his large body, with so many words and emotions I wanted to share, yet nothing came out of my mouth. 

I quietly crawled my way back under the sheets, and squirmed my body into a position where our naked bodies touched the other's just so perfectly. I closed my eyes and gently exhaled.

It was at that moment I realized I was going to be okay. I'm finally going to be okay. 

To get what you deserve..

"Turning my stumbling blocks into stepping stones."

There comes a point in your life when you realize that you deserve more than what you've been getting. You can only do so much for someone until one day you wake up, like "shit.. what am I doing?". I feel like I have such low standards as for what I want in my life and for the people in it. Why should I?

People don't see how amazing they are until someone either treats them like shit or until someone else treats them better. We walk down the road of life with blinders on our eyes, only seeing what we are led to see. Then something happens in your heart, in your soul, and you suddenly see what you should be getting, how you should be treated, you see what you deserve.

Life is a constant battle, and from personal experience I've come to the realization that it will never be easy. But it can be better. Why settle for something when there is something amazing out there for you, someone amazing. It may take time, weeks, months, maybe years, but what is meant to happen will always find a way to happen. Your life is an open book and no one knows the ending, no one knows what each chapter will bring. Be all you can be and become one with your inner self. If you don't connect with who you are as a person on the inside, you will never be able to fully give your heart to another. 

I am absolutely exhausted. From work, relationships, life in general. I just want it to be easy. I will do everything humanly possible to make myself happy again, no matter what it takes.

To find inner peace..

"Those who do not move, do not notice their chains."

I find it difficult to stand still in life. What pleasure can one have if they constantly do the same things everyday? If we fall into the hole of routine, we may never be to able pull ourselves out of it.

If you never take a leap, you'll never know what could have been. After all, if things are meant to be, they will always find a way to work themselves out. You have to take a chance sometimes, and just do whatever your heart tells you, without thinking of what you may lose. 

I've been struggling a lot these past few weeks between what my mind is telling me, and what my heart is feeling. Making pretty rash decisions and taking chances I'd never imagine myself taking. But every night before I close my eyes, I get a small sense of relief that I'm finally doing what I need to do to make myself happy. 

Once you obtain peace between you and the universe, it's almost like anything is possible. Getting there can take you years, it may even take your whole life. But I believe finding your inner purpose in this world just may be the greatest satisfaction one can achieve. 

One day soon I will find my inner serenity. I'll find an escape from the anxiety, from the routines, from the constant drive to want be better at all that I do. I'll find my peace.

300 pounds on your chest..

“Life is ten percent what you experience and ninety percent how you respond to it.”

 

I didn't sleep at all last night. Had an extremely emotional day to follow. Now, I find myself again up at 4 am, with nothing but a headache and anxiety.

Anxiety is so difficult to describe to people who don't suffer from attacks. I'll be quietly sitting in bed with not a care in the world then all of a sudden, BOOM, my chest gets this sharp pain. My eye sockets become heavy, my hands begin to shake, my head feels like it has separated from my body. It's the worst fucking feeling in the world. There is not one thought you can run through your head to calm down your overworking mind, it's like the only way to get through it is to sit there and sometimes just fucking cry.

I've suffered from the attacks since I was a little girl, most of the time not even knowing it was happening as it overcame my body. But as I got older, I began to learn what was happening to me, that I wasn't just crazy. But the more I learned about them the worse they got.

So, here I am. 4 am.Restless in my bed, with what feels like 300 pounds pressing down on my chest.

It was raining about 10 minutes ago, which was kind of a therapeutic background noise for me. But now I only hear the loud hum of the air conditioner downstairs coinciding with the deep exhales I find myself letting out as I attempt to breathe away some of this anxiety.

I know most people have their own shit that fucks with their daily routine of life, and if they don't, then I envy them. I guess some people are given certain things to face in life because our bodies and minds were entrusted to handle it. Someone like me was meant to carry this burden so that someone else who couldn't handle it would be okay. I just have to remind myself on a daily basis that this is not the end of the world. Things will get better.

Time..

Life's like an hour glass glued to the table..

So I find myself in a similar situation yet again...

I'm sitting alone in a small corner of the hospital waiting room. There's noises coming from all directions.. three TVs all on different channels are at full volume.. there's phones ringing.. and I can hear bits and pieces of conversations from everyone around me.

The woman next to me is reading what looks like a love novel, breezing through the book faster that I can probably read one paragraph. Her husband is in the operating room getting what I thought I heard the nurse say was heart surgery. Yet her face is completely straight as she buries her face inside her book.

The older gentleman across from me is sitting with a younger girl, picking at his hands in what looks to be anxiety, while his brother goes in for what I overheard was a double knee replacement.

And to my right diagonally, sits two young parents, holding each other's hands while their 4 year old girl is getting her tonsils removed and ears worked on. Their faces completely showing their fear and anxiousness.

Then there's me. My dad is undergoing surgery on his right shoulder, which should have been done years ago, where the doctor is going to try to repair whatever is left up there. I'm not nervous, I know he will be okay, but I find myself chewing on my nails as I look around this waiting room that is filled with so many different people from so many different backgrounds.

I think we take so much of what we have in life for granted. The one thing you can never get back is time. You can turn your life completely around from bad and make your dreams come true, but you will never be able to get back the minute that just passed.


Life is not easy, I've learned that the hard way, but we have to learn to appreciate those moments of joy as deeply as we can while they are here. Because time is not something you can ever get back once it is gone.


The room is slowly clearing out, each person going to those who are finished in the operating room. Still no news on my father but I am confident that he will be okay, because he still has a lot of life to go, a lot of time to live.

To be a closed door..

There was a time when you let me know,

what's really going on below

But now you never show that to me, do you?

     The blankets are completely wrapped around my body, tucked tightly underneath my sides and feet, yet the draft coming through my old windowsill is causing my body to tremble uncontrollably. I can't tell whether it's the nausea or the cold air that's making me shake but I can't stop, and the slight amount of moonlight coming in my window shows me a huge black stain on my pillow from what I would imagine is a result of my sobbing mascara eyes. 

     I wasn't crying when I first went to bed, but after an hour or so of my mind racing, I found myself in this situation. I'm breathing abnormally heavy and I can taste my tears as they drip from my cheek onto the side of my lip. 

     It's been a long time since I've broken down this hard. It's been a long time since I've second thought us, or questioned what we have worked so hard to become. I know it's me, it's all happening in my head. It's almost like I can't get in touch with my own heart, I can't hear what she's saying, or feel what she's feeling. I can't feel.

      I can't feel anymore. I want so much to open your eyes, because I need you to look into mine.

You

No matter what you say or do, 

there's nothing you can do to make people understand you..

     I died my hair fire red this weekend... I swore to myself that my days of changing my hair color as much as my underwear were over. But I found myself waking up every morning and looking in the mirror at my platinum blonde hair saying, "I need to do something bold." So I  did.. 

     My whole life was always this constant battle of me trying to express who I really was on the inside.. I think that's a battle a lot of people face throughout their lives. Getting tattoos, changing there styles, having certain hobbies, music, physical appearance. We express who we are on the outside because we are afraid people aren't going to understand us on the inside. 

     But in reality I don't think people ever really understand you.. I think the only person who gets to understand you fully is yourself. 

     I mean, why would you want someone to fully understand you anyway? Life is way more interesting when there's a challenge, when you have to actually think about what's going on inside another person's head. How much fun is that, when you already have someone figured out? Life's all about experiencing and learning. 

    Just remember that you will always be understood by one person, the one person who matters most, YOU. Even if you don't get yourself yet, don't rush it because once you do find him or her, it's beautiful. 

To Find Serenity..

If your strength is weak, don't carry heavy burdens.

I kind of enjoy not having a clock in my room.. it's one of those things in my life I do to try and break away from reality. When there's nothing telling you the time, you don't worry about being late, you don't worry about getting out of bed, you don't worry about rushing, you don't worry.


I've been over stressed lately. To the point where I have these fantasies of running away, somewhere far and exotic.. away from everyone and everything. I hate waking up just because my dreams are so much better than reality. I dream of beautiful places far away, in the middle of nowhere, with nothing but music and food.. sun and happiness.. love and peace.. serenity.


I feel like life itself has become some sort of clock.. making me feel rushed and worried.. fearing that I'll fall behind. 


It's so easy to tell someone to not worry.. to not be stressed.. to relax. But it's so much easier said than done. You are not me. I am not you. You don't live the life I live and I definitely don't live yours. There has to be a way for everyone to breakaway from the chains of life's clock.. A way to find serenity.


If you can't find serenity, you can't live your life to the fullest. We have to keep reminding ourselves everyday that today might be our last day. We have to remember to breathe. 


Just breathe.

To Win...

A smile is the best makeup any girl can wear.

There is nothing that aggravates a girl more than their enemy succeeding and being happy. Who can honestly say that they haven't gotten a little bit of enjoyment out of watching someone they hate suffer. As terrible as it sounds, we thrive on watching those we dislike struggle and fail. I know I do.

In my short life, I have come to learn that the best revenge in life is to succeed and be happy. The people who can't stand you would love nothing more than to watch you mess up & fall on your ass. 

It's pointless to waste your time trying to lower yourself to other peoples levels, when all you really have to do is continue with your life and prove that you are every thing that they can never be. 

We assume that with age and time people will learn to mature and focus with their own lives, but in reality people continue to worry about other people's lives and starting drama.. you just have to remember that your life is in your control.. and no person can come in between you and your goals. Continue to be yourself and succeed in all you do.

To Feel Someone Inside You..

I'll pull on your hair if you'll pull on my hips. Bring me closer because I need to feel you all over.

    It's about 4 am and a cool breeze blows through my window as my blinds make a shutter which wakes me up. You're laying next to me, not even affected by the shuttering above your head. I can't help but stare deeply at your unconscious face. It's so blank. Yet I can read your whole life story just staring at your sleeping face. You aren't a loud sleeper, but definitely a deep one. I lean up onto your chest and put my nose under your chin (you always sleep on your back, which seems so uncomfortable). You have this distinct scent.. not like a cologne or body wash... but like the actual smell of your skin. It's like a get a small high as I take a deep breathe in and inhale your scent.
    I'm so in love.
    Our bodies are pressed tightly together, and they fit perfectly, like two pieces of a puzzle that are custom created for one another. My room is so cold, and your body is giving off so much heat, I can't help but snuggle myself into your body warmth. You are everything I've ever dreamed of.. All I've ever wanted.
    There is no place in the world, at that moment, that I would rather be than lying naked in your arms.

   

To Deal With Whatever Life Throws At You..

I believe everything happens for a reason.

People change so you can learn to let them go.

Things go wrong so that you can appreciate them when they are right.

Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. 

- Marilyn Monroe

 

    It hasn't been long since I've written, just a long time since I've actually published any to my page. Seems as if every time I write an emotional, kick-ass blog entry, I just get a change in emotion and choose not to hit publish.
    But here I am, sitting on the small recliner in my room, with a million things on my mind and no words to say how I feel...
    Life has never been easy for me. From being a child, to young adult, up until now as a 21 year old woman, I've always seemed to have to face the most difficult obstacles. I'm just so used to dealing with the worst that nothing seems to surprise me anymore.
    Life is just a constant battle of working to the top.. getting knocked on your ass.. picking yourself up.. and going right back at it harder than before. There's a million things a day to stress about but only a handful of things actually worth letting yourself get worked up about.
    For the first time ever, I can honestly say I am sure of what I want for my future. To have good health, a partner to be with through it all, a job in my own spa, a decent income, happy family... I will not.. WILL NOT let anyone or anything get in my way of achieving these goals. I think that if more people had this attitude themselves then they wouldn't have the time to try to ruin the good things that other people have.


Everything happens for a reason I guess is what I'm rambling about...


We only have one life to live.. there's no redo button. (I wish!)

The Inevitable...

Some of God’s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers. 

- Garth Brooks 

All I smell is rubber and the sounds coming from the machines in the room are freaking me out. We've been waiting for what seems like 3 hrs now and we have yet to see a doctor. My dads laying on the bed with a gown on that makes him look like a little old man and his eyes are glassed over.. Looks like he's about to cry.

I haven't been to a hospital since I was 18 and I had my tonsils removed which was by far the most excruciating surgery of my life. I'm actually quite afraid of hospitals.. It's a place where so many lives come into the world, as well as leave. But I'm sitting here.. on this flimsy chair.. pretending to be occupied with my phone as the nurse draws blood from the guy on the bed across from us.

I think as children we never imagine our lives without our parents.. It's like they are indestructible. Then the second one of them gets sick it's like a complete low blow out of no where and we don't know what to do or how to feel. It was always them telling us what we should do to stay safe and healthy growing up, but now as i have become my own adult.. I see myself looking out for my parents health and giving them my opinion on their life decisions.

Mom.. Put on the sunscreen..
Dad.. Did you take your medicine ?

If you think about it.. we owe them as much time as they need since they cared for us for numerous years of our lives it's the least we can do in return.

It's just scary which is what I was trying to get at with all of this.. Scary when people you love are in pain and you don't know what is going to happen next. You know, I wish life was like one of those books where you can choose your own ending.. Get a chance to see both conclusions of how the story can go and then you can make the final decision.

But that's not how life goes. You never know what is going to happen next. You just have to be strong and hope that it all works out in your favor.

To Grow Up..

"happiness comes with the capacity
to feel deeply, to enjoy simply, to
think freely, to risk life, to be needed."

    In exactly 54 days... I will be turning 21 years old. A day I have been waiting for since I first learned what alcohol and bars were.. yet the excitement I felt up to this point has begun to be taken over by an actual knot in my stomach. When did I grow up?

       At work the other day, my friend Nicole and I were discussing how amazing it is that we are soon going to be legally aloud into bars, and it sort of hit us as a shock.. 21. The thought that we would never be kids again sent an uncomfortable chill throughout our bodies. Turning 18.. 19.. even 20 are just less intimidating ages.. but 21.

     As I was laying in my bed this morning, I replayed all of my birthdays since the age of 16, and honestly I cant believe it's been 5 years since my sweet 16, seems like it was just yesterday. It's like our whole youth we always want to be one year older.. one step closer in life to where we want to be.. it's never good enough.. until you turn 21.. now I wish I could go back a year every birthday. 

    I get so emotional when I think about never being a teenager again. I mean, I've had the responsibilities of an adult for a very long time, but just the fact of telling others around me that I'm an adult.. and actually being recognized as one actually creeps me out. Like this is it.. this is the prime of my life.. I always told myself as a teenager that I would be doing so many things by the time I turned 21, and here I am and I definitely have a lot of expectations to live up to. 

    I guess it doesn't make sense to those who are still so young and naive, but hopefully, those who are at that point or way beyond it can relate to me in the fear of growing old.. of never being a kid again.

Sometimes I am happy..

Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect.
It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections.

     I've been having trouble sleeping these past few weeks.. I'm not sure if it's the new stress from my job, or just my anxiety kicking in. As I lye awake in my bed at night, I gaze out into the pitch black room and replay recent events in my mind over and over again.

     The man I love more than anyone in the world is not but 2 inches from my face.. lying on his back with his arms tucked behind his head. He's breathing heavy, yet making no sound, and his body is giving off an overabundance of heat, which I find myself using for comfort every night to fall back asleep. And he's completely out cold.. not aware one bit that I am lying next to him, eyes wide open, over analyzing every event of my life over and over again in my mind. 

    I find myself sobbing, quietly, yet loud enough for him to turn over and notice the tears pouring out of my eyes. He wraps his arms around me and tells me to breathe in and out slowly and not worry about things that haven't even happened yet. And in his arms, I find some sort of peace.. comfort.. happiness. 

    It takes him only a few minutes to fall back asleep, and even though I am still crying, I soon find myself asleep as well.. 

    Happiness can be defined in multiple ways, but I think it's different for everyone, for everyone has different things that bring joy to their lives. He is my happiness. 

    We are far from perfect, but I think that's what makes us so compatible.. the fact we differ in so many ways and come from such different backgrounds.. and can still find each other inside the other's heart. 

     We have been through more battles then two should endure at our age and I honestly can say nothing and NO ONE will come between the two of us.. because what we have is something we will not find anywhere else.. it's happiness. Pure, genuine happiness.

Now & Forever..

you can't expect to find the right someone 

until you know who you are,

what matters to you,

and what makes your heart happy.

   He was snoring so loud I actually woke up out of a dead sleep. It's always around 4:30 a.m. when his snoring gets really loud, but I don't mind. It's one of those weird little things that the person you love does that would normally drive you crazy. But I would be completely lost if he wasn't here doing it. 

    Just like right when my alarm clock goes off, and I hit the snooze button so many times that I'm actually late. He rolls over and just wraps his abnormally long arms around my entire body, and just pulls me in. Without even having to say anything, his body tells me good morning and I love you. To be able to share a bed with the man you have been through so much with and still have the same amount, if not, more love for one another than the first time, it's remarkable. I can honestly say that our love is real. Real, pure, unconditional love.

   They always say that you never realize what you have until it's gone, which in our case was so true. It took an awful event.. terrible decisions.. bad choices.. to make the two of us realize how dumb of an idea it was for us to be apart.. Two human beings such as ourselves, who love one another as passionately and deeply as we do, should not fight fate.. shouldn't fight the future that life has in store for us. We both knew deep down in our hearts what was supposed to be, where we were meant to end up, who we were supposed to love and spend our lives with.

   So this morning, with our bodies pressed firmly and perfectly against each others, waiting for the second snooze alarm to go off, we comfortably looked into each other's eyes. No pain, or confusion, or second thoughts, just two people who genuinely had unconditional love for one another. <3

I'm not sorry for being different..

Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery,

none but ourselves can free our minds.

    It had to be the winter time, maybe early December, and I was about 15 years old. I sat at my small vanity and brushed my long blonde hair that reached down to the middle of my back. I stayed up late the night before, as I did every night, to rummage through my closet and pick the perfect outfit, along with wake up extra early to flat iron my hair. I had to be perfect.. I had to be like everyone else.

    As I grew up, I started to break away from what everyone else considered "cool" and started to really find who I was as an individual. Now, I don't think you will ever in your life be able to meet another human remotely similar to myself. 

    I think sometimes people get so consumed in worrying about what others think of them that they actually miss out on the chance to find out who they really are on the inside... I just find it a complete waste of time trying to make people see me as something I'm not when people should except me for me! If people don't want to except you for what you are, then they don't deserve you in their lives. 

   It really comes down to them being insecure & uncomfortable with themselves. I've noticed that even as I've grown into a young adult, I still face the drama that we try so hard to avoid. No matter where or what you do in life, it never really goes away. Girls will be girls, and if you are a confident, successful, secure woman, it's almost inevitable that those around you who are less secure about themselves will do anything and everything they possibly can to try and break you down. You just have to remember that you were given your body and personality for a reason, and it's your job to always be true to yourself and never be afraid to just be yourself!

   As I have written in permanent ink across my lower back, emancipate yourselves from mental slavery.. break away from the mold.. be who you were born to be.. 

You're right.. my blog does suck..

Too many people get caught up in what could be instead of appreciating what is. Don't fall into that trap; appreciate what you have and who you have.Because the future can take it all away from you

I hate when I find myself doing something I claim to hate so much.. today.. as I sat in my bed with makeup halfway down my face.. I realized I'm missing something huge from my life.. something that makes me so happy.. writing.

I always make fun of people who put so much heart and passion into a hobby and then one day become too preoccupied to do it, and just toss it aside like it means nothing. I found myself going from writing my deepest thoughts and feelings everyday to not even looking at my work, or allowing myself to sit for a moment and let out how I feel with my writing. It's honestly pathetic.

If you really love something, nothing or no one should ever come between you and that thing.  I honestly feel like I have been dishonest with myself these past few weeks.. like I've been depriving myself of a self medication that has always been there for me when I needed it the most..

So.. as I sat on my bed today.. completely fed up with everything in my routine, pathetic life, I realized that I really wasn't being fair to myself. I need to write. I need to put it out there. Regardless of what anyone has to say about it.. or the feedback I get from it.. it's just something I need to do in order to be myself.

Say what you want.. no one is telling anyone to read this.. I could give two shits if the person reading this wants to or not.. hence the disclaimer right before you log on.. this is me and I need to be who I am.

The Nook...

when you can't quite match your clothes 

or when you laugh at your own jokes 

that's when i love you.

   As I was laying on the couch the other night, snuggled up with my boyfriend, I found myself digging my head into his arm nook, right where his armpit begins. There's something about that spot on his body, my head fits perfectly, almost like we are two pieces to a puzzle. Then there's his scent, when I'm snuggled deep in his arms, I get this smell, not a cologne or deodorant but the actual smell of his skin, and it drives me absolutely crazy, the most sensual smell I have ever smelt. It sounds odd to say you like the smell of a man's armpit but it's just the scent that his body gives off that I find so irresistible.
   We find ourselves oddly attracted to things in the person we love that others may not understand. Like feet.. I absolutely despise feet, I find them to be the most disgusting thing on the planet. Yet, when I see the feet of the man I love, I'm totally fine I actually enjoy rubbing them. 
    I think that's what makes two people really in love, when you find things in one another that you can't live without, that others just can't understand.