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Wednesday, March 28, 2012

To be a closed door..

There was a time when you let me know,
what's really going on below
But now you never show that to me, do you?

     The blankets are completely wrapped around my body, tucked tightly underneath my sides and feet, yet the draft coming through my old windowsill is causing my body to tremble uncontrollably. I can't tell whether it's the nausea or the cold air that's making me shake but I can't stop, and the slight amount of moonlight coming in my window shows me a huge black stain on my pillow from what I would imagine is a result of my sobbing mascara eyes. 
     I wasn't crying when I first went to bed, but after an hour or so of my mind racing, I found myself in this situation. I'm breathing abnormally heavy and I can taste my tears as they drip from my cheek onto the side of my lip. 
     It's been a long time since I've broken down this hard. It's been a long time since I've second thought us, or questioned what we have worked so hard to become. I know it's me, it's all happening in my head. It's almost like I can't get in touch with my own heart, I can't hear what she's saying, or feel what she's feeling. I can't feel.
      I can't feel anymore. I want so much to open your eyes, because I need you to look into mine.